!

I don't care how few blogs this person follows, or who's good friend they are: But someone is a cunt hair away from being punched in the dick. Tread carefully.

I wish I could be diagnosed.

I would love to sit down with a psychiatrist for a week straight and just have him ask me everything, and then write out a few things that he thinks about me. I think that I am very unique, but maybe not in a good way. Check it:

Women:
Based on hair color alone, I've exclusively dated blondes (with the exception of my darling Fiancee), though I'm more deeply attracted to brunettes. Or am I? I've yet to meet a brunette in person that I was ever infatuated with. I do notice that I'm more intoxicated with fictional brunettes, which leads to my next persona fuck up--

Fiction: Some people get sucked in to a series they read (Rhianna with Harry Potter and Twilight) or with a 'universe' (Stew and Dark Jedi), which is normal. I have a small, set core of things that I enjoy, and they're pretty much what you would think they would be (if you knew me). However, what most people don't know (with the exception of like my Mom and Rhianna) is that what influences me the most at a certain time is usually the last thing that I read/watched. I mean, it really has an affect on me. I watch a James Bond movie, then I want to be a spy. I read Neuromancer, and I'm dying for my robotic leg implants. I watch V for Vendetta, my love for Natalie Portman is rekindled.

Ultimately, I think I fall in love with ideas more than a particular physical thing. I imagine that with this diagnosis I would learn what the underlying theme throughout all the things I'm infatuated with. Is it a certain type of love within each of these? Can you compare "Star Wars: Episode 1" Natalie Portman with Jessica Biel in "The Illusionist"? Don't be so quick to say, "Jay Fair, they're both gorgeous women which is why you're like this!" I have a very particular taste in women, and honestly it seems to vary based on
A) The person.
B) What I'm into when I meet them.
C) Either what I've been 'used to' in the past (Bubbly Blondes) or the manisfestation of my 'dream girl' (Don't ask).
D) Other influences like place and time.

I know you're wondering, "What is your 'dream girl'?", and I don't have an answer for you because I don't understand myself well enough to describe her. It's not just physical features (Ask Haight or Nesbitt or Sneed, they'll all tell you that I have a particular taste in what I find physically attractive, and some women with the features that I like I don't find attractive), but some sort of amalgamation of what everyone wants; something that doesn't exist.

Maybe I'm attracted to the 'Damsel in distress', which is definately a theme amongst the fictional works I do like. Does that mean I have a need to be the rescuing hero? I don't like all damsel in distress type movies (Example: "A Walk to Remember" where Mandy Moore (Brunette) was dying from anal cancer or something, but compeltely unattracted to her and uninfluenced by the movie even though it matches a few of the pre-described criteria). What about the heros themselves? It seems like they have one strong thing about them that makes it romantic in itself. Some sort of ability, quirk, or temperment that I feel a connection with?

My next subject is how I compare to your a-typical male. The majority of other guys I encounter, especially in my current work enviroment, what you see is what you get. You meet someone and they say, "I like to shoot stuff, drink beer, and smash bitches." That's really all that makes them up, those three pre-programmed life ambitions. What is in my mental chemistry that sets me so far apart from them?

Good fiction does its job, it pulls me into another world that I desperately want to be a part of and not leave. Were that fiction to last forever, it would lose its appeal, for it would become the normal life itself.

Really, I think all of these questions might be answered by one thing: I have a brain tumor. I hope you enjoyed this, it was somewhat theraputic for me. Also of note, I love you Rhianna Brooke, I don't want you to think that I'm not happy with you, because I really am :)

9 Billion Years Into The Future!! (Echo)

I want to be a tech junkie. Well, I will be once I have the funds to do this. I don't know what kind of job I would need to be able to afford this, but here's what I'd love:

Phone - Always the newest and best smartphone with GPS, email connection, document editing, and blue tooth direct to my....

Laptop - Ultra portable, something that I would usually always have with me, or at least in my car. Super extended battery life with most focus being on quick power on to be able to edit programs (NetBeans) and send them to my phone.

Home PC - This would be my hot spot. An amazing machine with dual monitors and a graphic heavy monster. <3

I think this would be fun. I hope my fiancee does not think that I'm some complete nerd :) I love you Rhianna Brooke!

I direly need this in my life again:

Kentucky Winter

Kentucky Autumn

I miss days like this. There's nothing like an area that has vibrant and yet dark seasons. On the way to class one time, I was walking through downtown Richmond. It was the end of October and most of the trees were changing and some of them had already done so and the leaves were falling off. I was on 3rd street, which has several old Oaks, Poplars, and Maple trees. It was getting ready to storm and the clouds were thick and dark. The wind whipped around me sending some leaves on a premature exodus from their homes. It was perfect. It's one of the few moments in my life that I'll never forget.

Kentucky, I'll be back and enjoy the rainy springs, steamy summers, windy falls, and crisp winters.

Love it.

Looking forward to going home

As the title says, I can't wait to be home. A few things that I'm looking forward to:

Grass and Trees.
Cincadas (Olol.).
Camping.
Cookouts with my family.
Woodys.
Hooters with Stew and Andrew.
Hanging out with Aaron.
Going places with my Dad.
Talking with my mom about my Dad and Aaron.
Seeing my grandmother.
Playing with the two cutest little devils ever.
Tink loving and adoring me.
Penny kitten wanting to play so much and then not wanting to play at night when she's sleepy.
Seeing all of the Rose Barn people and having a part (I hope a really *really* small one) in the play!
Rain, a lot hopefully.
Partying with Leigh and Lo (and their respective men).
Being comfortable shirtless and getting eye fucked by women that 1) arent spanish and 2) are of age, then teasing Rhianna about it and seeing her get grumpy.
Maybe seeing Meffanie if they come home from Italy in time.

And most of all, spending time with my Fiancee who I adore and miss more than anything else. I love you Rhianna Brooke.


-Deuces, Jay

Things I'm "into"

Network Security. This image best describes it. It's something that I would love to get into because my job right now is to play the enemy so that the good guys can win. People involved in this field must know current and up-and-coming security threats so that they can always protect their networks. Playing the bad guy has never been so much fun.

GNC Supplements, mostly Fish Liver Oil and a Multivitamin. They're not very expensive and are supposed to help (even if they don't I feel better taking them (sugar pill effect?)).

I don't have this one yet, I have the American History version and it's quite a large amount of fun. I posted this so someone viewing might have an idea of an inexpensive gift that would be right up my ally!

Green Giant Simply Steam packs. They're SO damn good considering that they're A) Vegetables, B) Are very inexpensive, C) Only take 3 minutes to make, and D) Are a low calorie meal that fills me up.

Stash Teas are a hit with me right now, Haight drinks the hell out of some tea, and it's quite enjoyable with honey or soy milk.